Oh and one last thing: happy early birthday. :)
After she left, I had the most amazing, most useful dream (except maybe that one time where I solved an integral that has been giving me shit for 2 hours mid-dream, in my sleep) I’ve ever had.
I went back to sleep and I met you there straight away, because of course, you’re the main resident of my subconscious, so when you want to see me, you see me. It was as if we set up a meeting, decided it was time. I fell asleep and straight into that flowery fancy sofa.
We sat down on said fancy soft sofas and we spoke. We spoke of me and of you, and of what’s been going on in each of our lives. I told you how I’m doing, and you told me about things on your end. I realised things have been good. For both of us. There was no what if’s or but’s. Conversation flowed, it was fun. It was closure.
There was a mutual understanding that in some way, we’ll always love each other. But the feeling wasn’t the searing, unbearable pain it used to be until not very long ago. It was more like a welcome old friend you haven’t spoken to in a while- the one you’ve had amazing times with, a lifetime ago. A familiar old scar, so old and prominent that you wouldn’t be you without it, but also so old that it doesn’t hurt any more.
I don’t know how it happened, maybe I simply forgot how good it used to be. It’s a mystery that I’m not complaining about. I’m not trying to remember any more, either. It’s pointless, and I’m happy.
And so, we go on with our lives. Goodbye old friend… lover. I hope you’re as well as your counterpart in my subconscious is. You have taught me much, you have made me strong and confident. Know that you won’t be forgotten.